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(arienette) [30 Mar 2003|09:57am] www.livejournal.com/users/aeroplaneyes new journal

(3 where are you | arienette) [29 Mar 2003|11:35am] hm, worked 4-10 last night. emo boy who reminds me of conor came in and it convinced me to get the hotel room for the northampton bright eyes show. so yeah, i now have reservations for the hotel. as of right now, it's me, meredith, ryan, and possibly julia. did anyone else want to come? today i have to work 2-6, then i'm going to julia's mum's concert and her after-party. tomorrow i have to go to the Spring Fling (for elderly people) for National Honors Society, and then i'm going to the movies in boston with merd. hah. mtv has this special on right now that kurt's watching - it's called "rockstars kidnapped my son" he asked me who i would pick. hmm.....bright eyes much? good thing they arent rockstars.

(1 where are you | arienette) [28 Mar 2003|02:42pm] this sunday, march 30th BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM - kendal theatre at 4:45 and then SPUN - kendal theatre at 7:30 be there...or be square

(3 where are you | arienette) [28 Mar 2003|02:34pm] well, not going to disney. couldnt find a fourth person to help with the extra money from having to get two rooms. and my mum felt that the plans were too shakey on mrs vitti's side and didnt feel good putting a deposit down. i dont blame her. just kind of upset, cos it would have been fun. i have tons of scholarships i could be doing, some reading/bit of homework that needs to be done cos i wont have time this weekend/ etc etc etc im sure i could think of more things that I should be doing instead of sitting here. buuuuut.....that doesnt mean that i am DOING them and not SITTING here. i have no motivation, no drive right now, to do anything. i feel sad, i feel emo, i feel...i dont know what i feel. i have to work tonight from 4-10, which doesnt make me any happier. i havent talked to anyone in like a week and im not hanging out with anyone this weekend (except julia's mum's concert) and im feeling dejected. hah, i love how when you write in an online journal, it makes everything you say seem like a plea for attention. really, i'm just writing how i feel. i try to just write how i feel and not make it a "i know who reads this, so i'm gonna write this particular way" thing. then again, i think everyone tries to do that.

(1 where are you | arienette) [27 Mar 2003|07:22am] the wake was, well, wake-like. it was long, and boring, and i met cousins i've never met before. my family is WAY too big and we aren't really in touch with any of them. it was nice, though. my mum was really the only one who cried, because everyone knows that my Uncle Tony (Great-Uncle, actually) had been sick for a long time, and that it was probably for the best. the funeral is today. i wote my eulogy, finally, and everyone tells me its really good even though i'm not happy with it. i have to read it today. wish me luck!

(4 where are you | arienette) [26 Mar 2003|02:36pm] awwww < cry > thanks to the couple of people who said they do in fact think about me when im not around. i had a much better day today and it makes me feel good to know that i was wrong in my moment of weekness. and, merd's right. ethan, ender, dresden, and arian will love me!

(6 where are you | arienette) [25 Mar 2003|09:08pm] < sigh > i don't feel very happy right now. i could try to pindown reasons, but i dont want to in here. i dont even know if i could think of any... just an overwhelming sense of uselessness and unimportance and, i dont know. sometimes i wonder why i even try, why i even bother. nothing seems worth it. i'm meant to write a eulogy for my great-uncle, but i've started to regret saying i would. i dont know what to write. nothing is flowing from my pen, and anything i think of addressing seems so half-hearted. i wrote my grandmother's, but that was in a moment of inspiration. this one, i've been recruited to do, and i dont know if i can. i guess today was just a bad day. i feel like retreating to my room and listening to some bright eyes and forgetting about everyone. i dont feel special to anyone. no one looks forward to seeing me or thinks about me when im not around or says nice things about me to anyone else. i dont impress anyone. i dont stick on people's minds. i appear to be totally forgettable. no one thinks about me when im not around. or do they? do you?

(2 where are you | arienette) [24 Mar 2003|05:20pm] trying to go see BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM sunday nightish. anyone in? looky, three entries in one day.

(arienette) [24 Mar 2003|05:04pm] BEST conversation ever: ni ck b rw n 7: thats awesome. are you goin to cursive tonight? xaeroplaneyesx: noooo ni ck b rw n 7: aw. :-( xaeroplaneyesx:i know. jessica's sad about that ni ck b rw n 7: im going. ill makeout with tim kasher for you if you want. ni ck b rw n 7: haha xaeroplaneyesx:oh TOTALLY. xaeroplaneyesx:tell me how it is. ni ck b rw n 7: i shall. xaeroplaneyesx:thanks. i'll live the experience through your words. xaeroplaneyesx:but, can i still tell people IVE made out with tim kasher? xaeroplaneyesx:since you said you'd do it for me ni ck b rw n 7: exactly. ni ck b rw n 7: ill even tell him my name is jessica xaeroplaneyesx:rock on xaeroplaneyesx:he might be confused for a minute ni ck b rw n 7: most definatley ni ck b rw n 7: but his confused face...will be hot. ni ck b rw n 7: haha xaeroplaneyesx: oh yeah, his confused face will be sexxy.

(arienette) [24 Mar 2003|04:34pm] i say i want things and then i get scared away when the time comes. i push hands away instead of welcome them.

(5 where are you | arienette) [19 Mar 2003|09:35pm] oh jesus, im being punished for kurt's actions. tonight, he drove with graham (hes under the 6 months, so its illegal) and he got pulled over for speeding, got a $150 ticket and lost his liscense for a month (but my parents are making it 2 months). BUT, they say that he cant go anywhere, including the concerts he was meant to go to with me. which means, i cant go to them either. i cant go to concerts alone! my parents wont let me!!! so im being punished for kurts actions! ITS NOT FAIR!!! i SO want to see son, ambulance on sunday. at least sam is, or is meant to go to piebald, so i'll still be able to go to that. but they wont let me drive to providence alone to see son, ambulance. oh, not fair. i didnt break the law! i shouldnt be so selfish.

(arienette) [17 Mar 2003|11:36pm] Buckminster01: questions for the lead of son, ambulance: what's conor really like? does he drink all the milk and put the carton back in the fridge? does he roll the toothpaste from the bottom or squeeze it? does he like the toilet paper coming off the top of the roll or the bottom? xaeroplaneyesx: have you been pondering these? Buckminster01: *ashamed* yes. xaeroplaneyesx: < laughs >

(arienette) [17 Mar 2003|08:59pm] how contrary i am! if someone asks me a question to which they expect a yes answer i HAVE to say no. i have to adamantly say no, even if i really wish to say yes! it's just part of who i am. to the one person to whom what i just wrote pertains directly (im sure you know who you are), i apologize and wish you hadn't asked! enough said. i had a really nice day today. it was a good long weekend, even if i didnt do any of my homework.

(arienette) [15 Mar 2003|11:59am] 3/22 piebald at the avalon in boston (out by 10PM! the night is still young) 3/23 son, ambulance $6 (brilliant band) 3/24 cursive sommerville theatre no trains home. pout pout 4/29 BRIGHT EYES at the roxy in boston $20 (46 more days) 5/2 BRIGHT EYES in northampton, tickets not on sale yet and, yeah, thats pretty much it. sorry about dresden isnt coming here and i didnt go to see the good life, so....pout, those are the only concerts coming up for me. and, they are all going to be REALLY amazing. uh....the point of this entry? there was no point....i guess a place for me to get my mental list together. so, ive been thinking. i shouldnt give up on boys just yet...

(arienette) [14 Mar 2003|06:38pm] "it's like hallucinating for your ears" -jessica, on merd hearing things

(5 where are you | arienette) [14 Mar 2003|05:03pm] oh, im so done with boys. if i could be a lesbian, i would. someone, seriously, prove to me why boys are worth anything.

(arienette) [12 Mar 2003|09:11pm] if anyone wants a bright eyes anti-war arm band to wear, let me or merd (meredith) know. it's gonna say "as they take eye for an eye" on it.

(arienette) [11 Mar 2003|02:34pm] please forgive my short stint and flirtation with an attempt at a meaningful livejournal entry. on my way home from school today, i sawa boy slip on the ice and fall. i saw this, and thought to myself that I should laugh because it was funny, but I didn't. my lips did not curl and my voice did not ring out, clear and pure. i sat, instead, alone in my car and watched him pick himself up, wondering to myself if he was wondering who had seen. i imagined his worries, inconsequental, trivial, so seemingly important at the moment, but nothing in the wider scheme of things. in 5 or 10 or even 2 years, he will not look back at that day he fell walking home in senior year and cringe. he will not even remember it. everything that goes on day to day is so completely and utterly forgetable. i wake up at the same time every day, see the same people (i mean the other people, not my friends, since seeing them is always a treat), go to the same classes, nothing ever occurs that breaks up the mundane and the boring. nothing ever shouts out from the crowd "look at me i am different i can change you" nothing ever does. and even when something does, it is transient. it exists for a moment, but then slips away from your grasp like it never existed. it is cruel. it is punishment. it is cold and dark and violent in my eyes. i can see it, but i can not touch it. i had it, but i do not anymore. my smiles and laughs and joys were not real, they were concretions of abstractions i only wish i could feel. i am in love with beauty ["i am in love with learning, the knowledge that i have saved" sorry, son, ambulance reference"]. i can see it, between my fingers and through my hair and in the tiny space that appears between palms when you hold someones hand. it is there, but i can not obtain it. it is around me, surrounding me drunkly, but it is not IN me. it is in between my words, but not in them. am i speaking metaphorically, or not? even i do not know. please forgive my short stint and flirtation with an attempt at a meaningful livejournal entry. today was not a good day and i feel all sad....or something.

(2 where are you | arienette) [10 Mar 2003|11:21pm] so, i buckled under teacher pressure (kinda like peer pressure but not really) and paid the $20 non-refundable down payment on my AP test, like paying for a car or tv set or something. i know, i am weak! but, just cos i paid the $20 to shut her up doesnt mean im taking it. spend the whole afternoon with meredith painting merende stuff and bothering people online. it was a lot of fun. radford made a homophobic joke in class today and i got really mad and told him it offended me. he didnt seem to care until i went to speak with him after school. then he semi-cared. he said "hey, as long as you can find love, i dont care how you do it". pretty mature for radford, i think. but he still shouldnt be making homophobic jokes. and he wants to read my sex scene now, since i read the beginning of my eben/dresden story. im afraid to show it to him, though, because i know he'll find something wrong with it. im gonna get everyone to read it and fix it and make it ABSOLUTELY perfect so radford can't complain about a single thing. oh, and he said i use too many big words. a curse? i think not.

(3 where are you | arienette) [09 Mar 2003|01:48pm] people who owe me money: EVERYONE for bright eyes...come on people! meredith owes me 2.50 on top of that ryan, julia owe me 7 dollars im poor....please pay me....so i can have other concert goodness.

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